Moving forward

I am not going to say that I do not have pain in the throat or indeed that I am not tired every day but I can really feel improvements. Each day is a little easier to get through. I am sure there will be days when I have knock backs and these I shall have to cope with. Thinking back to some of the bad days and nights I had in December and how I feel now, it is very exciting. I do have a few worries about going back to work next month as my voice goes quickly and I get so dry in the mouth. I hope healing continues apace.

Food is very difficult and I am a bit of a coward in trying new things. I am worried about what might happen if I swallow it badly. Having said this I had a Mug Shot today which had pasta in it. Whilst it hurt the throat and pain shoots to my left ear, I managed to eat 10 or so spoons of pasta. Very proud of myself. Watched some golf on TV today and started thinking about hitting a ball again. Not now but in the future…definitely moving forward. Tonight I think I will look at golf weapons and see whether there is a 3 wood with my name on it. Maybe some nice golf buddies might walk with me for a slow three holes sometime soon…when a bit warmer.

I have ventured out the door to the library and got a couple of good books. Missing my book club tomorrow…I did not manage to read the book but hope the boys have a good time. ¬†Took the little Self to the Hobbit movie at the weekend which was fun. I managed to stay awake and keep control of my throat. Great to go on a trip. Saw some staff at school on Monday night and realise that I miss them. They were very kind with some lovely words. Received so many lovely cards since I have been ill but one that arrived this week was very touching as an old tutee had taken it upon herself to get messages from her old tutor group. So lovely..had a small tear in the eye. They are all at University now maybe even in their 2nd year. A long time since I had them as a group.

Hope for a good sleep tonight and feeling even better tomorrow.


Getting better?

The pain in the throat is definitely less. I will start to think about reducing my painkillers this week coming. I have started eating real food…admittedly whizzed up but at least that is progress. I have managed to eat a casserole, soup, milkshake and even some tinned pears. Looking forward to a poached egg or two today.

Just feeling a bit more with it is ace. I need to start some physiotherapy now. I have lost a lot of weight quickly and much of this is muscle mass around the arms, shoulders and legs. I have to start walking and going out to build myself up for a return to work in the future. Tiredness is an issue…I can make it until about 5pm before I need a snooze. Night time is difficult with phlegm and getting to sleep. At least when I do sleep it is quite restful.

I feel so great when I look back at where I was. I will take nothing for granted but pleasing progress.

Less gunk

Definite improvements in the last week. The phlegm is getting less. I have not been sick on any day in the last 4 so that is very pleasing. Throat still hurts and pain killers are being popped but even this might be turning. Not quick enough for me. I have stayed awake all day for the last two days although this did make evenings a bit tough. Not sure what the best way to organise myself is yet. I even watched a whole film on Netflix. This is a first since treatment began. Lots of positives – I have been able to drink water properly and even eaten yoghurt…it all tastes similar to what I imagine manky feet would taste like but it is a start. This afternoon I am going to try some plain porridge. If I can demonstrate that I can eat a significant amount of calories orally them they will take out my tube. I want that to happen before the end of Feb if possible. Voice needs work and gets tired quickly. I am sure this will improve as my throat does.

Love to all.


Still not feeling as I would like. Pain exists in the throat that is stopping from moving forward with too much eating and drinking. Had a small amount of yoghurt to eat the ‘real’ way last night. That was a bit of a coup. It was tough but I proved to myself that I can move forwards. Drinking water is possible but I crave for taste. I have a fruit juice craving but of course it is really acidic and when I have tried it my face has screwed up in pain. More and more there is a realisation that this recovery is going to be very slow. I must not set myself targets but rather let the issues follow their course. Of all things I wish my sleep at night would be better. Last night was a bad’un with lots of phlegm and I not much more than 20/30 mins sleep at any one time. Starting to get a bit worried about time scales for recovery. Keep calm Self and just go with the flow.


Brilliant to see family yesterday. Thanks to Gary for driving mum and dad. Not as smooth as it could have been. From my point of view it was great. I was on pretty good form as well so at least people know I am slowly getting better. Started to get new pain last night. The back of my throat feels unbelievably ouch…probably just repairing but had to take extra pain killers to deal with that. Thought it might have been the talking yesterday but have woken this morning with the same issue. Have had my meds and will see what happens. Food went down OK this morning which is new. I have had trouble keeping it down recently.

Getting on

Back to the Doctor today. No longer anaemic and the doctor was pleased with the progress I have made. Feel as if I am making progress. Plenty of sleeps still needed during the day. Have not had good nights recently and have my fingers crossed for tonight. My mum, dad and brother are coming to visit tomorrow and I am a bit excited. I hope that I can stay awake for long enough to make their journey a good one. I do want to show off me getting a bit better now.

The one aspect that I really want to go soon is the mucositis. The phlegm is interminable and makes one sick. It makes eating and drinking more difficult. I am really pushing to be back drinking with a week to a week and a half. Even starting wet food again. This will depend on the recovery from spitty bits.

Lot more perky all around. Thanks for continued support – still a way to go!

Long time since last post

Not sure if I would carry this on but based upon the challenges that I still face every day I think I need to get it out there. Hospitalised at the end of the treatment where my body was telling me that it was close to taking no more. The thought of facing the journey to cause more pain was not going to happen. I rest my case with hospitals and their potential for individual care on this visit. Soulless, dull, numbing, noisy. overcrowded, under staffed…..

Got home and then had a Sunday before going back to the consultant again. Over the past week or so the energy that I have to do things has increased slightly although there are still days when I need to sleep lots and no days yet with no naps. I have been able to spend more time in the company of the children downstairs although not a massive amount. This is very encouraging. I have needed to be put on an evening feeding regime with a pump as I am finding it a difficulty to eat all the calories I need. Mainly due to being sick so often. It has definitely helped,

The biggest problem is the mucus which has the effect of disrupting my sleep and make me sick. It is this symptom of the treatments that I want gone. No-one seems quite sure when it will end but I thought they said improvements after 10 days-ish..well we are there today so I am expecting. Hope you are all well and looking forward to a good Christmas.